Jared Axelrod

ather, a portion of it. The writing expertise part. I am offering my services up as part of the Boom Effect charity auction. The actual auction takes place Saturday, and will be broadcast here, but feel free to put in a proxy bid over at the site. Just put in however much you consider a piece of my headmeats is worth.

Now, I suppose the question is, “How much of Jared’s brain will I be getting?” A valid query.

I would say, around about this much:

Jared Axelrod, published author and creator of the ALIENS YOU WILL MEET and VOICE OF FREE PLANET X podcasts, will edit your short story up to 9000 words. But what is being offered here is more than mere red-pen spelling and grammar check. Over a personal Skype discussion, Jared will provide:

-Detailed analysis of themes, and how you can make them stronger.
-Discussion of the wants and obstacles of both the protagonist and antagonist
-Examinations of the setting and the pace of the story
-Market suggestions for your story
-Axelrod-brand Encouragement! (TM)

The whole business will be auctioned in the Bespoke items timeslot on February 27th. But if you can’t make the event, feel free to place a proxy bid.

Bid high and bid often!

very now and then, either JR or I will turn to the other and ask a question about the story we are writing. Is this character interesting? Is this plot too twisty? Is this feminist enough? It then falls upon the other to answer “That’s not a 1st Draft question,” or whatever draft we are working on at the time. Which is always the correct answer.

It’s very easy to get caught up in questions that just be addressed one, two, three drafts ahead, so it’s nice to have to have a guideline of what questions should be asked when. Your mileage, of course, will vary. But this works well for us.

1st Draft: What happens next?

This is the only question you should be asking yourself as you write your first draft. The. Only. Question.

The point of the first draft is the foundation, the rocks you build your story on. And for that story to be built, the foundation has to be finished. Nothing is more important in writing your first draft than reaching the end. Not your word choice, not your plot mechanics, not your personal politics. All of that can be changed, but not until the draft is finished. This means when you’re done you’ll have a pretty shitty piece of writing, but who cares? You’ve got at least 3 more passes to get it right.

2nd Draft: Does the plot make sense? What does my protagonist want? What is in his/her way to getting it? Are his/her decisions in keeping with his/her character, or to just move the plot?

Now you’ve got a shitty piece of writing that at least has a beginning, middle and end. Good job. It probably has a few human-shaped lumps that could pass as characters, so here’s your chance to make those characters real. Ideally, the protagonist should drive the plot, not the other way around (nobody likes a reactive protagonist, we like people who get shit done). Concurrent with this is the concern that these proactive decisions are keeping in touch with the character. If they aren’t, you can always change the decisions, or change the character.

3rd Draft: Are my characters engaging? Does my antagonist have proper motivation? How is the pace? Should I cut/add anything? Are the places and people properly described?

Your shitty piece of writing now has gained an engaging through-line and an involved, proactive protagonist. Time to beef up those side characters. A good rule of thumb with this is to imagine the story told from each and every character’s point of view. These new stories, where our side characters and villains are now the main heroes, should be just as engaging—if in different ways—as your main story. You don’t have to write these stories, but it’s important to imagine them. Would STAR WARS be as enjoyable if Han Solo, Princess Leia and Darth Vader didn’t have their own stories going on just to the side of Luke’s? MIDDLEMARCH works the same way.

This draft is also a good time to look at pace. Is the story moving fast enough? Is it going too fast? Luckily, your new and improved side characters and antagonists can help out, by cutting some fat off some scenes or adding drama to others. Take some time to define who these people are, as well as the places they inhabit. If Draft 2 was all about the protagonist, Draft 3 is about giving that protagonist a world to inhabit.

4th Draft: Are the words the best words for the situation? I am comfortable with the themes and politics of this story (is it feminist, conservative, racist, etc)? Is it interesting to people who aren’t me?

The story’s not looking quite so shitty now, is it? Here we get to the polish stage, where you can add all those writer bells and whistles you’ve been dying to include since Draft 1. String all the pearls you want; your story should hold them. Now that that you have the story complete, you can also examine the themes and tweak them appropriately. Same with the politics. I’m making a note of them here, in Draft 4, because it’s very easy to fall into the trap of think of these sort of things before the story even finished. No character has politics until they’re fully fleshed out, no themes are evident until you get to the end.

After this pass, you can hand it off to a first reader or two, and they’ll have their own questions for you.

A note to users: much like the mastery of a martial art, one must approach writing in the appropriate sequence, and build upon the questions of a previous draft. You may ask yourself “What happens next?” while working on Draft 4, but if you find yourself wondering if Draft 1 is sexist, you’re focusing on the wrong things.

R and I have signed up for The 24 Hour Cram, a brilliant idea put on by Plays & Players–who I have done work with before, and indeed, hope to do work with again. Unsurprisingly, the mad minds who gave us “Superheroes Who Are Super” have yet another deliciously quick and dirty theater concept up their collective sleeves.  Here’s how they describe it:

We meet on January 29th at 8pm at Plays & Players 3rd Floor. Everyone is put into teams that each consist of one writer, one director and an equal number of actors.

We chat, we laugh and then we send the writers home to write a 10 minute play by 8am the next morning. Directors receive the hot off the printer plays at 8:01am and meet up with their actors to rehearse until house opens at 8pm on January 30th. For those of you still counting - that is 24 hours of pure cram!

Clearly, I am insane for wanting to try this. Luckily, my wife is too. We are enablers in our insanity.

JR and I have an edge on this, as we have seen the results of a previous 24 Hour Cram and have a pretty good idea of what works (outsized characters, mysteries) and what doesn’t (quiet character, slow builds). We did a practice run last night, to see how long it took us to write a ten-minute scene. Mine, a Mamet-ian exploration of the pros and cons of the iPad, took about an hour. JR’s, an examination of the pitfall of modern supernatural romance via speed dating, took about the same time, but was, as you might imagine, a little more deep.  After that rush job, 12 hours aught to be a luxury.

So, yes, it will be insane. But, the exact type of insanity that we excell at. Which means it will be awesome.

I expect to see you all there.

They called her Resolve.  A woman of immense strength and power, she stood toe to toe with the Mega-Gorgon of the Lost Dimension, the Storm Kings of 67th Century, and the Xenophage Legion.  When the Galactivore came to lower its might teeth into our very planet, Resolve and Resolve alone stood fast in the face of such certain doom.  She was indomitable, indestructible, and possessed a bravery unlike any other the world had seen.

So it was that when the Cosmic Challenger came to Earth and bellowed for a champion, Resolve stood, and met his wager. With the fate of the world in the balance, Resolve met the Cosmic Challenger on equal footing. His muscular frame towered over her, despite her own impressive stature.

“Well, little one!” He said. “As the challenged, it is up to you choose the style of battle! Be wary! I am a master of over four thousand distinct martial arts, and over twenty nine thousand variations of them! Do not expect to catch me unawares!”

“You will not need any of them,” Resolve said. “All you must do is meet my eyes.”

Born Of An Atom Bomb is a daily warm-up piece, where I base a character around a random word or phrase. Today’s word: resolve

Delightfully big news, as I am the first–FIRST, I say!–official contributor to the I Should Be Writing blog. Mur gives me a fantastic intro, there, which leaves me with more than a little apprehension about what the devil I’m going to be talking about. I can only hope that I live up to the introduction.

(I will, of course. Don’t worry too much. I’m just trying to build suspense.)

In addition to taking over The News From Poughkeepsie, I intend to throw out the odd essay about writing advice–as opposed to an odd essay that is writing advice–and maybe a comic or two. I haven’t done an Autobiologic in forever, and the gods know I’ve got plenty of writing-based hilarity (read: pain) to illustrate. I’m not sure what else. Any ideas?

But that’s not the only unusual place I’ve showed up on the internet today. Io9 put up a post on Steampunk novels, illustrated with nothing less than the photo of Miss Liza James and I that Kyle Cassidy took and subsequently was put on Wikipedia. Clearly, Miss James and I have become the faces of modern steampunk. Which I am okay with.

First ISBW and then Io9….clearly my plot to take over the internet is moving apace….

I’ve been slack with the whole Balticon-recap business.  Blame the injury.  Here, to obfuscate things further, is a picture from Miss Vivid Muse herself that pretty much expresses the whole weekend in a nutshell:

Gotta keep those balls in the air at Balticon.  And look nice while doing it.

But the real reason I’m writing has nothing to do with Balticon, or juggling, or me. The lovely and talented J.R. Blackwell has teamed up with the lovely and talented Mur Lafterty to bring us Her Side, a multimedia fiction project. I’m a sucker for words and pictures coming together, and the two artists involved have used that potential at its utmost. Both the written work and photos involved tell a story on their own, but brought together they create something powerful. It’s free to veiw, so everyone should.

Such a project ought to be enough for anyone, but in addition to all of this awesomeness, Mur and JR are helping out the lovely and talented J.C. Hutchins. I know you’ve already bought/preordered your copy of J.C.’s book Personal Effects: Dark Art–why wouldn’t you?–so you’ll be interested to know that if you send an electronic copy of your receipt, you’ll  be entered into a weekly random drawing. For what, you ask?  Only a one of a kind 8×12 print of one of the photos, and a signed copy of the portion of the story that goes with the photo, from J.R and Mur.

Free fiction, free artwork and, if you’re lucky, free tangible peices of the project itself. You couldn’t find a better deal if you tried!

Still recovering from the gauntlet of joy that is Balticon, I opened my email with bleary eyes to discover this message from Lulu.com:

“Congratulations, your book has been selected for listing on Amazon.com’s Marketplace! As a result, your book will now be easily found on the world’s largest online bookseller. ”

That would be this book, here:

Astounded, I searched for my name on Amazon.  Sure enough, there it is. So, if you find yourself hankering for 50 pieces of weirdness (plus illustrations!) by yours truly, here you go. It’s ready for you at Amazon.

Also, If anyone knows how I can put a cover and some interior pages up there, I’d sure appreciate it. I’ve got all sorts of content for that page.

And thanks, Lulu.

This story, about a sideshow of the undead in the wild west, has always been one of my favorites. I thought I’d lost it back when I accidentally deleted most of my stories a year ago.   Just found it this morning, and I was so excited it still exists, I thought I’d share the beginning:

The last town Ol’ Doc Cadaver’s Living Dead Traveling Museum performed at was miles back, but the loss of money still ate at Obediah. As soon as the town of Sanguine as soon as a town appeared on the horizon, Obediah Cadaver gave a whistle to the mules and the brought the chain of carts to a shuddering stop. He was gonna make damn sure his performers stayed in line this time. Not another Tombstone, not on his watch.

Obediah was a squat man, so it took some time for him to get from to the driver’s seat at the head cart to the ground. But once he touched dust, he gathered himself up in the manner and bearing of much larger man. “Y’all listen up and listen square. The family, they ain’t got sense no more” Obediah said, motioning to the three skeletal figures hunched in the corner of the last cart. “I don’t ask much of them. But what’s you two’s excuse? Ol’ Doc Cadaver’s Living Dead Traveling Museum is a show, gawdammit! It’s a gawdamn show. Is it too much to ask ya’ to crack a smile? I know for a stone fact it ain’t gonna kill ya!”

The hulk in the first cart shook his massive wrists, causing the thick chain that bound them to clank against the iron bars that made up the cart’s side. His mismatched eyes pierced through the shadow of the cart, glowing coals in the dust and darkness.

“Ah, hell no!” Obediah spat brown tobacco slime into the dust. “Not after that stunt’n Tombstone! Made me look like a damn jackass! You think for one heartbeat I’m gonna give ya a chance to pull that shit again? Hell no! Chains stay on, you hear me? The chains stay on and you’re gonna like it! ” Obediah punctuated this last remark with another ejaculation of tobacco spit, hitting the figure crouching in the cart square in the forehead. He didn’t flinch at the impact, not even when the muddy ichor dripped down his scarred and stitched brow and seeped into his left eye.

Obediah kicked the dirt nervously in front of him. “Look, Big Fella. I’ll tell you true: you give these folk a show to remember, an’ we’ll see ’bout given you some roamin’ space once we’re outta sight? Howdja like that?”

“Ooooo…do I get a piece of a that?” said the woman in the second cart, her voice unspooling like smoke. Dusty velvet curtains rustled against the cart’s silver-plated bars, as the woman inside moved unseen. “I could use some roaming space.”

“You’re lucky you get space at all. Iffin your good, I’ll feed ya to night. How’s that for a deal?” Obediah waddled over to the last cart, running his scabby hand over the velvet curtains and silver bars has he passed them. At the third cart, Obediah removed his hat, scratched at the little hair he had left. He regarded the three smelly figures behind the tooth-gnawed bars. “What ’bout you three? Gots anything you wanna say?”

“Rrrraaaarrrrrr….” came a high-pitched wail from the little one.

“I thought s’much,” Obediah said as he adjusted his hat, and went to the business of clamoring back to the driver’s seat. There were easier ways to make a living than a freak show of the undead, Obediah knew that. But few were more profitable. And he could smell the money coming from the town of Sanguine, still miles up ahead.

Imagination!
Looking sexy
Making love.
Sexual/social
Not bodies, leadership skills!
Dominant/shy
Couple attentive.
Ridden like multiple “hehehe”s
Yes, I’m up
Snuggle
Stay
Squeeze it, Honey
Spend money, Buddy
Body from small talk
It’s him
Once
Loves couples
Prefer married evening impressions
Exposing 46-58 years, in particular
We are apprehensive sometimes
Bad sometimes
Harder to pressure at psychological games
I can indulge cookouts.

Nonsmokers, nondrinkers
Sit in participation with fulfillment
Or just relaxing
At Victoria’s Secret…
Knowledge
Family
Sex
Passion
Similarities and cruel.
Damn right, there’s people between the man
Examples:
Some fake chemisty,
“Lets talk fringe.”
Lid ee ah. Lid ee ay.
The wild someone primarily felt
The practice man between
Stops my horizons.
Would cuss special women for non-smoker,
Soak and excitement
Ooooooo
Just
Gimmie understanding.
Just
Gimmie time.
160lbs, with rich concert
Play,
Dance
Mini-weekend get-away trip.
Empowered
Busy
Professional
Woman
Just “hello,”
We are all opinions of sorts.
Cruise on, Indianapolis.