Apr 23 2008
The denizens of Weyaw, home of the intergalactic fast-food franchise Squishburger, will invite you to dine upon their famous food, the Squishburger. Be prepared to tell them it tastes exactly the same as the many times you’ve had it through out the galaxy, as consistence is something they strive for.
Resist the tempation, however, to tell them that their “consistant taste” is one of cardboard drenched in sewage.
Apr 13 2008
The Boribotons are some of the most innovative races in the galaxy when it comes to the preparation and presentation of food. It has become such an important element of their culture that only the greatest and most artistic chef can rule the planet. As a visiting dignitary, you will have to engage in culinary combat in order to gain an audience with members of the government. Do not be concerned with the flavor of your dishes; the Boribotons stopped eating their food long ago, preferring to dine on imported Squishburgers and Weyaw fries.
Apr 03 2008
The H’rintilthrynoids are a serpentine race, their bodies one long flexible tail not unlike a snake. In order to avoid being accused of “flaunting your arms,” keep your hands in your pockets at all times. When accepting a gift, a document, or a new pet, grip it between your teeth, as the H’rintilthryinoids do. If possible, put both feet into one leg of your pants, and if anyone points out the other, empty leg, pretend not to notice.
Mar 28 2008
The Tiffdelways’ culture is one that recognizes the impermanence of all things. Considering the caustic gasses in their atmosphere, this can hardly be considered surprising. While your breathing apparatus will protect your lungs, try to remain nonchalant as the paper your speech is printed on, the clothes you will be wearing and the very building you will be inside, will slowly disintegrate over the course of your visit. One wrong step could cause your pants to crumble about your ankles, so be sure to wear your “good” underwear.
Mar 23 2008
The gravity of the Glackple homeworld is many times greater than what you are used to. As such, you will feel weighty, leaden, and bloated while on the planet’s surface. Stay away from the Glackple’s honorary sausage. While a much sought-after-delicacy, it will only increase your feelings of heaviness.
In either case, you should consider excusing yourself from the after-diner high jump competition.
Mar 15 2008
The Meriose have yet to truly accept the concept of other races in the galaxy, and often refer to otherworldly visitors as “hallucinations” or “waking dreams.” So try not to notice as the president’s cabinet with continually rub their eyes and pinch each other in the hopes of waking up from the dream that you represent.
They will, however, be quite solicitous, as anyone would be with a figment of their imagination.
Mar 07 2008
Do not be intimidate by Gingram Fodicious’s immense muscle mass and definition, as he from a culture devoted not to barbarism, but to the finer things in life. Which is why you should carry a “cheat sheet” of Fodicious’s known opinions of art, music and literature. Appear ignoratn of what Fodicious deems “classics,” and he will not hesitate to pound your puny philistine body into the pavement.
If it is any consolation, he will apologize afterwards.
Feb 28 2008
Jul 12 2007
Before talks begin with the Ethelshinn, you will be expected to sacrifice one of two sacred animals. Despite how theatening the Nastenizer looks, choose it. Though it will out weigh you by a good hundred pounds, you have a better chance of defeating it in ritualistic combat.
You just don’t have the grip to handel a Fluffian Cutesy-wootzer.
Jul 05 2007
Being unable to speak through yeast, communication with the Drix is going to be difficult at best. I suggest not showering before the metting, in the hopes that you will be carrying enough organisms in order to say “Hello.” You may also wish to bring along some freashly baked bread, in the hopes that it will speak highly of you
Tales of the Uncanny Valley
Triangulation: End of Time
Salt
